things i want right now:

to keep listening to this song forever. when something awesome happens to me, it will only add to it. it fuels me.

for rachel not to be a buzzkill tonight, and maybe come over to brooke's with me.

to meet people at brooke's who i don't already know so i don't have to worry about what i think of them.

to make a decision about chris, but lord knows i'll be stuck in limbo there forever.

to make a lot of muffins. and eat them. but i'm on a diet so i'll just be nice and give them away.

to be a better person so i can say i'm too good for you. to prove to myself i'm a better person than you, even though i like how human we are together.

to talk to mason, but i think that sounds too needy. i might do it anyway.

to stop feeling like an idiot when it comes to you, to me, to everything. to stop distracting myself with every other fucking thing because i've avoiding how weak you make me feel, how pathetic, how needy, how obsessive, how fucked up, how hopeless, clueless, and hyperbolic about everything. i love how you make me feel, in such a basic way, exposed, true, free, savage - everything all together, but i know this makes me look insane and i wish you couldn't see that part.

to BE ABLE TO SAY THIS SHIT TO YOU and feel like it provokes any fucking thought at all except my own sparse humiliation.

to stop doubting myself, because i'm the only person i have, when it comes down to it.

to not say anything at all.